5 Secrets The Wedding Industry Doesn't Want You To Know

And The Sneaky Ways "Big Wedding" Is Playing You

If you’ve ever wondered whether the wedding industry was trying to take advantage of you, there’s a good chance you were right. Nowadays, it’s virtually impossible to go through the entire wedding planning process and not feel like someone or something is trying to manipulate you.

As someone who has been a part of the wedding industry for nearly a decade and who has seen both the beautiful and horrible parts of this multi-billion dollar industry, I’ve basically hit my breaking point with the nonsense. This is my tell-all.

No, not everything about weddings is bad. And the industry is home to so many amazing and hard-working vendors doing honest work. But the “Big Wedding” machine, as I like to call it, is not so innocent.

So what’s the deal? The wedding industry has a few key tricks up their sleeve to get you spending more money and spending less time questioning their rules.

1. The wedding industry benefits from you being stressed out.

Would you believe me if I told you that your stress and overwhelm was kind of the point? Let’s do a quick comparison. You know your trusty old online tax filing service you pay for each year? What you may not know is that the whole reason they exist in the first place is because they’ve lobbied to keep it difficult for you to file your taxes so they can swoop in and be the stress-free, easy fix.

This is a common game in a capitalistic economy. Granted, various industries have differing levels of culpability, but the essential marketing playbook is to offer a solution or cure-all that takes the stress off your plate “for the small price of….[you name it]”.

Let me be clear here, your typical mom and pop operation, like your local wedding vendor, isn’t trying to create the stress for you. But they are part of a larger ecosystem where relieving you from wedding-related stress is a really compelling story they can sell.

2. They want to capitalize on your emotions and fears.

So what’s the source of the stress? It’s difficult to pinpoint and pick out a singular culprit, but we’re generally talking about:

• The barrage of influencers and publications who directly financially benefit from selling you on a standard set of wedding norms, expectations, and rules that must be followed (and yes, those norms cost a pretty penny). I mean, after all, this is a once-in-a-lifetime event, and these profit-over-everything establishments manipulate your emotions to increase your spend accordingly.

• The large corporations (I’m looking at you, fast fashion) that depend on a revolving door of must-have trending wedding items, from bridesmaid dresses to decor to wedding gifts.

These entities sell these ever-increasing expectations into a culture that is already primed to encourage keeping-up-with-the-Joneses and consumer debt.

3. They use the concepts of “tradition” and family obligations to get you to spend more.

I’m sure you’ve probably noticed that weddings come with a whole host of rules and traditions you’re supposed to follow. Heck, if you don’t, your major wedding publications are quick to point out that you could be perceived as rude or ungrateful or *gasp* cheap.

So they push standards of how much you’re supposed to spend on each guest. They make you believe you’d be absolutely nuts for not buying that multi-carat diamond engagement ring (I mean, if you don’t, do you even love your fiancé?). They make you feel guilty for not buying fancy wedding favors you know your guests are just going to throw away at the end of the night.

And you know why they do all this? If they can get you to feel guilty enough for not following tradition, they can get you to spend your hard-earned money on the expensive traditions they just so happen to sell.

4. They take advantage of this being a “once in a lifetime” event.

If it’s a once in a lifetime event, then buying the more expensive dress has to be the right move….right??? That’s exactly what the “Big Wedding” machine wants you to think.

This is what I like to call the “wedding tax”: some things simply cost more because they’re being used for a wedding. Frankly using this concept of a wedding being a once in a lifetime event to charge you more is a problematic and manipulative tactic that should be called out.

I want to be clear here, though, some things genuinely should cost more for a wedding than another type of event. Why? Because once-in-a-lifetime moments don’t have a do-over.

And someone like your wedding videographer is inevitably going to charge a premium for that (as they should, since you can’t do multiple takes of your ceremony, for example). The same would apply to other wedding vendors like your photographer (if they miss that first kiss shot, there’s no getting it back) and your hair and makeup artist (who needs to ensure your look lasts the whole 8 hours), just to name a few.

5. They make up wedding trends to keep the vicious cycle going.

Oooooh, I could talk all day about this one. If the wedding machine manufactures a whole bunch of ever-changing wedding trends, they can get you to keep spending your money on those trends. And if you don’t? Your wedding might just be so last year. And we wouldn’t want that, would we?

If there are no new wedding trends, then those mega-corporations can’t sell you on the next style of bridesmaid dresses you need to have, for example.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s definitely something fun and exciting about wedding trends (heck, I’ll openly admit I love chatting about them, too). It’s fun to see what people are loving, whether it’s fresh new color palettes or a unique photography style (like the blurry photo trend that’s been massively popular over the past few years). But there’s a whole segment of the industry whose core purpose behind sharing trends is only to monetize them. They’re not doing it for the love of the craft.

So what can you do about it?

The thing is, it doesn’t all have to be doom and gloom. It’s not like the whole wedding industry is out to get you. They’re not. But the system as a whole is built to get you to spend more of your time buying things and less time questioning the norms.

My best piece of advice, as someone who’s worked in the wedding industry for nearly a decade? Prioritize your values and what you genuinely care about on your wedding day. If you don’t care about a fancy venue, screw it. You don’t need to book one. If splurging on an open-bar just isn’t in the budget, that’s totally ok (your guests are there to celebrate your love, after all…the drinks are just a perk).

And hey, if you have unlimited dollars (but I’m guessing most of us don’t) and want to splurge on all the things, more power to you. There’s no shame in that, if that’s what you genuinely want to do.

That’s the beautiful thing about weddings: they are an expression of your relationship. If you ask me, there’s nothing cooler than that.

P.S., If you’re curious about my hot takes on the wedding industry and how it’s doing you dirty, or you want to navigate the planning process without getting manipulated by problematic industry norms, this Substack miiiiiight just be for you. I’d love to have you along for the ride.